It’s been a while since I’ve given you all an update on the online dating world. Nope, I haven’t found Mr. Right. Or even Mr. Semi-Normal.
I seem to be getting the attention of many young men. Super young. Between 18-30. No. No. No. Just….No. I’m 42. I have clothes older than the 18 year old. Who told me, and I quote: “Your kinda sexy”. Bad grammar aside, no, those words did not make my clothes magically fall off. I wonder if his momma knows he got the wifi password again?
My favorites have to be the whiny, needy guys, who after being very politely told, no, I don’t think we’d make a good match, KEEP MESSAGING. “WHYYYYYYY don’t you like me?” “But I’m mature for my age” (spoiler alert, no, you’re not). There was also the one who told me I HAD to give him a chance. I know you’re all surprised to find out that we are not engaged.
This gem came through yesterday:
Wish in one hand, shit in the other and see which one fills up first, buddy.
This dude seems to be confused. I don’t know if English isn’t his first language, or he’s just confrontational with everyone he meets. What could two strangers possibly have to “talk out”?
Saturday night a few friends and I cruised the sites just looking at what’s out there. They’re all long married ladies who have no clue how ugly dating is in 2015. What we found was…terrifying even to me.
The guy who states “I’m not that much of an asshole” O_O
The ones who won’t even show their whole face: Either married and cheating or completely insecure about their looks.
But hands down, our favorite was a guy from right here in our sleepy little town, who is wearing a tinfoil hat/facemask and collects….pillow pets. More specifically….unicorn pillow pets. I cannot even begin to tell you how hard we laughed at this poor bastard’s profile. I’m pretty sure at least one of us peed her pants. I know I couldn’t breathe at one point.
The hard part has been finding guys who start out seeming normal and then pull stupid shit. The one guy who texted for a week with me and then suddenly disappeared without so much as a so long, see ya.
And the latest one, who after a week of texting also, AND making a date, informed me he has been dating someone else over the weekend and now had to cancel our date. Soooooo…basically I was only there til something better came along?
Well, I guess thanks for the heads up as to what kind of person you are. Best of luck to you with that. Karma and all…
One of my best friends is convinced my prince is out there. I think the poor bastard got stuck in a tree or hit by a bus.
In the meantime, the frogs give us something to laugh at.